Superman’s Penis Just Made it Into an Actual DC Comic Book


(Warning, the following contains an image of Superman’s Kryptonian trouser snake – in outline – that you may not ever be able to un-see. Proceed with whatever level of caution your natural Superhuman genitalia-aversion suggests is wise…Also – ADULT CONTENT IS VERY MUCH TO BE FOUND BELOW…)

Now, there have always been a handful of things that we, as a collective popular culture, have agreed we probably shouldn’t actually see. Whether that’s what’s actually in the golden suitcase in Pulp Fiction, what’s Luke and Leia got up to before finding out that they were brother and sister, or what’s really going on in Kanye West’s head – there are definitely some mysteries better left unsolved (and unseen).

And yet, this very much just happened…

We Just Got Out First Official Look at Superman’s Penis

And, as you can see for yourself, it’s legitimately traumatizing.

The strangest part? That’s an actual, factual, fully authorized DC Comics cover, drawn by fan-favorite writer/artist Frank Miller. What’s more, it’s the cover of a companion comic to Miller’s new Dark Knight Returns-sequel, Dark Knight III: The Master Race, which looks set to be one of the best-selling comic book series’ of the year. Which means everyone is going to see it.

And by it, I do indeed mean Superman’s penis.

Which you’ve got to imagine is set to stir up a giant mound of controversy any minute now.

Now, of course…

This Isn’t the First Time Superman’s Penis Has Gotten Him Into Trouble

After all, there was also that time where…

Superman Was Hypnotized into Making a Porno

Way back in Action Comics No. 593, to be precise.

Though, in fairness, he was very much mind-controlled into doing that, as opposed to that time when…

Superman and Wonder Woman Caused a Tsunami By Having Sex

Which, funnily enough, was also written by Frank Miller, back in The Dark Knight Strikes Again, meaning Miller has now created two of the most disturbing moments in Superman history, largely unassisted.

Also, I really wasn’t kidding, they killed a lot of people…

Though, in fairness, the weirdest Superman-themed sex scene we’ve seen in comic book form so far didn’t – for legal purposes at least – technically feature Superman at all…

‘Superman’ Took Down a Plane as a Result of Oral Sex

Now, that wasn’t technically Superman – instead simply a Superman analog within Garth Ennis’ The Pro – but even so, it’s one hell of an image to try to get out of your brain…

The main takeaway from all of that, though?

This is Still the Most Disturbing Thing I’ve Seen All Day

Just. Look. At. It.

It’s like looking directly at the sun with binoculars…

What do you reckon, though?

via io9


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